Essay+Feedback

= = 2014 Week 1 Regarding the Rubric for Academic Writing Effectiveness: - Cite primary source, not from a blog that is citing a source. Make sure it is credible. - Make sure the source is non-bias and objective. - Bring up other points of view. Not nearly enough expert evidence. Makes your argument seem more valid. Don't be passive. Advocate for yourself. Be a pain about it if your peer review is not done.

Introduction: - Title, something needs to be written. Take Risks. Humorous, engaging. - Title is consistent with the rest of the paper. - Audience Attractor - don't start off with your thesis statement. - Thesis location: Last sentence (easiest) but it doesn't have to be.

Structure: - Pay attention to whether it is a 5 paragraph or 3 paragraph. - More than one supporting point. Each body paragraph is distinct and unique. Consider: Do they have a natural sequence. Strongest body paragraph, the end. Hide your weakest in the middle. Conclusion: - More than re-stating, section to read about in Writer's Reference: C-2c

Writing Style: - Make sure tone is assertive. - Too many quotations, rule of thumb: twice as much of analysis for each word of quoting. - Paraphrasing. - In peer review: Help your peer with 'Concise and Clear, avoid vague and awkward phrasings' - Improvement on transitions. - Too many contractions 'can't' 'won't' 'don't'

Grammar: - Word choice, during peer review tell your peer that 'it's not the right word' Editing and Revising: - Peer Review suggestions left abandoned. Look at everything your peer has to say. - Use your best judgement: talk to your teacher if you don't have enough feedback or judging what needs improvement. Be proactive. - Greater steps need to be made with improvement from rough draft.

Format: - Very important. It will set the course of your essay, before reading the essay. - Names, Times New Roman, 12 point, double spaced. - Make a works cited page. In MLA format. IMPERATIVE. Take the extra 2 minutes. - Signal phrases: Do not just drop quotes into your writing. There is a section in the book p. 362-369. - Pin Number. No Name.

2012: Positive: Negative:
 * Week 2 Feedback:**
 * Better argument design.
 * Clear, well placed thesis statements.
 * Need more specific theses.
 * Contractions, first person, second person.
 * Deadlines.
 * Conclusions should summarize and stay focused.
 * MLA format.


 * Week 1 Feedback:**
 * Evidence needs to be relevant.
 * Use reliable evidence
 * Consider paraphrasing.
 * Use signal phrases.
 * No me, you, we, us, I.
 * MLA format.

=2010=

Week 2 Feedback:

 * Turn in R.D on time and make it complete
 * Organize "tests" (Final Draft, Peer Review, Rough Draft)
 * Make sure you use Times New Roman size 12 font
 * Don't ask your reader too many questions in your paper.
 * Creative, interesting titles
 * Carefully consider quote usage.refer to Writer's Ref. for when to use quotes. Most of the essay should be your language and only 10-25% quoted (for the most part)
 * Remember to paraphrase and summarize info (w/ citations)

Week 1 Feedback:
//The following problems were noticed on multiple papers by Mr. Hayden and Mr. Cartier://
 * MLA format for page number, name, title etc... See pg. 368 in 5th edition Writer's Reference or pg. 404 in 6th edition. Or click on the following link: here.
 * Global Revisions.
 * Consistent Capitalizing.
 * Sentence Revisions - No 1st, 2nd person. (I, We, You).
 * Vocabulary (Use concise, clear language).
 * Use the __Glossary of Usage__ in Writer's Reference.
 * Use of Signal Phrases.
 * Do not use CONTRACTIONS (ie: "it's" should be "it is").
 * Titles. Make them interesting.
 * Make sure you put down your Pin #. Do NOT use your name.
 * Make sure you turn in a electronic copy of your final draft on saturday testing. Either in Mr. Cartier's or Mr. Hayden's mailbox or there emails. ([|Click Here to download .doc file of there emails] )
 * Be an expert (Inform yourself).
 * Topic Sentences need to be clear and connect to the thesis.
 * Risky Points need to have real support.
 * Do NOT use Wikipedia.

Need a copy of a peer review sheet? Download a .doc file by clicking

Week 1:
//The following problems were noticed on multiple papers by Mr. Palmieri, Mr. Hayden, and Mr. Cartier://
 * MLA format for page number, name, title etc... See pg. 368 in 5th edition Writer's Reference or pg. 404 in 6th edition. Or click on the following link: [|here.]
 * Put pages in correct order.
 * Use full time of the test period.
 * [|www.TinyUrl.com]
 * Transition Sentences
 * Use proper tense.
 * Too much "evidence" was used from class discussion and Time article.
 * Check for run-on sentences.
 * Do not use CONTRACTIONS. (ie: "it's" should be "it is".)
 * Do not leave quotes unexplained.
 * Never use "I", "You", "We" or "Me".
 * Peer Revisions were weak.
 * Sign them!
 * Write URL's in __black__ colored font.
 * Know the difference between there, their, and they're.
 * Thesis choice
 * Is it provable? Is it supportable?

Week 2:
//The following problems were noticed on multiple papers by Mr. Palmieri, Mr. Hayden, and Mr. Cartier://


 * Problems with long quotations.
 * Italicize newspaper articles
 * TinyUrl.com
 * Do not use informal language.., you are writing a FORMAL essay.
 * Most Peer Revisions were poor. Dont forget your peer rivision so you may use the suggestions.
 * Transition sentences were poor.
 * Conclusions need to improve. Do not rush it. Need "meatier" conclusions.

**Week 3:**
//The following problems were noticed on multiple papers by Mr. Palmieri, Mr. Hayden, and Mr. Cartier://


 * Setting up quotations.
 * Lack of Context.
 * Do not just throw them in the middle of paragraph.
 * Read pg. 335 in the Black and Green “A Writer’s Reference” or page 362 in the White “A Writer’s Reference” to learn when to use quotations.
 * Use more signal phrases.
 * No Contractions.
 * Do not do it!
 * No works cited or incorrect works cited.
 * Look into “A Writer’s Reference” for help.
 * If you still do not understand than feel free to ask a teacher.
 * No “ ” in quotes of four or more lines.
 * Use attention grabbers and back ground information.
 * Transition sentences
 * Define the terms you use.
 * Be specific with the words meanings because many words have multiple meanings.
 * Use more paraphrasing and summarizing.
 * Do not rely on quotes too much.